October 10, 2019
Hi, Dad… If you’re reading this, you should probably stop now.
Today, I wanted to crack the code and unravel the truth about hookups. If you are anything like me, casual hookups are frightening. Will it be awkward? Do I need to bring the condoms? Do I shave? How long do I stay?
Being a single second-year student in college, it can be nerve-racking when wanting to venture into the world of casual hookups. Trying to avoid embarrassment and wanting to bring some excitement in your life can be a feat. Before diving into the sea of exciting exchanges, let’s define what exactly this exchange entails.
Defining Hookups
I would jump right into defining what a hookup is, except there’s one small problem. After conducting a short 10-question survey about defining hookups and expectations, most 18-24 year olds have many different ideas about what a hookup means to them. I did find that most young adults define hooking-up as sexual intercourse and/or oral sex. However, 56% said that they considered only kissing, with some touching (clothes off) as a hook up. On the flip side, 28% of young adults disclosed that they considered kissing, without tongue a hookup.
Moral of the story: everyone has different expectations of what they consider to be a hookup. Guess that could be super important to remember when homeboy is trying to slide into your DMs and you’re not quite sure what he wants, huh?
For the purposes of making sure we are on the same page though, let us stick with Urban Dictionary’s (because Urban Dictionary knows everything…) definition. Hookup: To have any form of intimacy with a member of the preferred sex that you don't consider a significant other.
As I was conducting this survey, I began to think… where does the term “hookup” come from and when did it start?
History Of Hookups
“Casual sex” has been around since the early 1800s, but the term “hookup” didn’t become a cultural norm till the beginning of 1920s. During the 19th-century, casual sex usually was between white fraternity men and either prostitutes, poor women, or women they had enslaved. Homosexual men also started to engage in casual sex at this time. During the 1920’s though, this phenomenon became popular amongst young couples due to technological advancements. Those young-and-in-love teenagers could now venture out of their house, away from their parents, and into an automobile and/or movie theater. No wonder the drive-in movies have such a stigma for sexy time… it was basically the initial scene for hookup culture!
Yaaaawn, enough with the history lesson.
Hookup Expectations
So, you’ve just had or are thinking about engaging in your first hookup. What should you expect? I’m sure-as-hell no expert but after analyzing the results, I found most young adults expect at least a text after their casual one-time fling. Wow, how considerate…
To my surprise, only 28% said that they expect nothing after a sexual encounter. Personally, I would have thought this percentage would have been higher. I guess our society has higher standards than I give us credit for! Ha-ha. Some did say however, that it really just “depends.” It depends on how long the two individuals have known each other, if they are friends outside of their sexual conquests, and let’s face it… whether or not the sexual intimacy was good. #iykyk
I think that raises the point that when planning to hookup with someone, along with clarifying what hooking-up means to them, you should discuss what are the expectations for after. Is the exchange just a pure exchange with no strings attached? Or could the exchange possibly lead to something else if all goes well?
While hookups can be fun, I’ve never really realized how serious and complex they can be. Between having prior communication to and getting your special night set up (such as when you’re going to have the open), it can be stressful. Most importantly though, the most daring challenge of all is trying to not catch feelings. Opening yourself up in a new and fun way to someone can be quite vulnerable, and trying to swat away those feelings could be a battle. Let’s face it: it’s human nature! Us humans can’t help but not feel connected when we expose a part of ourselves- especially in such a physical and vulnerable way. On a scale of 0 to 100 (100 being 100% emotionally meaningful), most people reported that a hookup should be around only 45.
On the contrary, those same people reported that they would like or wish that their hookups could be a 65 out of 100 for emotionally meaningful. This really makes you think… whether they are bluffing or not… most want to feel connected beyond the physical aspect. So, it’s really no surprise that most hookups end uncomfortably with someone awkwardly catching feelings. #WhoHurtYou
It kind-of makes one wonder: how long should one stay?
These results were pretty equal. Some noted that you should leave right away, others said you should maybe chill for 1-2 more hours, while others declared that you should spend the night. If you ask me, spending the night sounds way too emotional for me to be a casual fling. #JustMe? Guess there’s only one answer to knowing when to leave: just feel it out.
Everyone’s sexy time is going to look different, but whether you’re trying to hit it and quit it or just looking for some casual fun, make sure to keep your communication clear. If you are left sobbing after that one-night stand that you thought could lead to two, don’t be discouraged. There’s always more fish in the sea… and it seems like we’re all just out here looking for that one special catch.
One friendly reminder before you get your nut and go… wear a condom! #safetyfirst
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